Tracy Dennis is both a mother and an eminent developmental psychologist who is interested in the impact of digital media on human development across the life span. She’s written several posts on this topic on her Psyche’s Circuitry blog. One of my personal favourites is the one where she writes about two ideas for parents to keep in mind when they are using digital media to multi-task while taking care of their kids.
Posted in brain development, character, electronic devices, engagement, human development, impact of change on parents, kids' stress, listen to kids, media, mental health, neuroscience, parents' examples, social intelligence, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
December 3, 2011
We come back to a theme we’re encountering a lot these days: parents – stressed by the demands and insecurities they’re experiencing in their own lives— wonder how they can ensure their children will have the intelligence edge they’ll need in this fast-paced and rapidly-changing world. What can parents do to support their children’s ability to cope successfully with—and even welcome— the challenges they will inevitably encounter?
So much is changing so rapidly in the world right now, and in individual people’s lives. Very few of us feel as confident about the future as we once did, and when so little seems stable and predictable, it is easy to become overwhelmed by worries. Parents I talk to are concerned about the stresses in their own lives, and have questions like these about raising their children:
How can I make sure my children aren’t damaged by the sex and violence that surrounds them–in advertising, computer games, music, cartoons, television, and more?
Is it okay if my child has no interest in reading?
I’m feeling uncertain about my own job. How can I possibly prepare my child to earn a living one day?
The bottom line for these and many other questions concerns how parents can best prepare their children to thrive in a fast-paced and rapidly-changing world.
The answer to most of these questions is surprisingly simple, although not always easy to implement. The single best way to give children an intelligence edge—a well-developed ability to cope successfully with and even welcome the challenges they will inevitably encounter –is to spend time with them.
Listen patiently and respectfully to their concerns. Discuss your ideas and theirs, and do some problem-solving together. Convey a confidence in their ability to figure things out—with your help, as needed, and only in those areas where they have some reasonable age-appropriate control over the situation. Be present to their fears, their hopes, their worries. Help them see that managing change and meeting challenges can feel good.
There is more than this to being a good parent, of course, including supporting your children in developing habits of mind like perseverance, hard work, critical thinking, creativity, and flexibility; and in having character traits like honesty, kindness, loyalty, and integrity. Children need lots more than just being listened to — love, for example, and guidance, patience, social interaction, physical play, sensory stimulation, and intellectual challenge.
Joanne Foster and I discuss all these important things at length in Raising Smarter Kids, but if given the time and opportunity to make only one suggestion to a worried parent, it is almost always about the intelligence edge their children will have if they have someone with whom to communicate openly—someone who they can trust in order to share their perspectives and ideas. And, that is truer today than ever.
When the world is rushing along madly, children need to feel a sense of sanctuary, attention, and respect at home.
Posted in confronting adversity, creativity, critical thinking, decision making, habits of mind, hard work, impact of change on parents, intellectual challenge, intelligence, intelligence edge, kids' stress, listen to kids, parents, parents' examples, parents' stress, play, problem-solving, resilience, sensory stimulation, social support, time of change, trust | Leave a Comment »
August 28, 2011
The world is changing rapidly all around us, in large ways and small. As I write this, Hurricane Irene is raging up the east coast of the United States, the rebel fighters appear to be making advances into Tripoli and bringing down the regime of Muammar Gaddafi, countless new electronic devices and approaches to health are being invented that will someday change my life, and my daughter has just given birth to my first grandbaby. And who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Joanne and I are putting some finishing touches on some new collaborative work, thinking about the impact of change on the roles and responsibilities of parents. The bottom line for parents, I think, is that although the world around us is changing at a breathtaking speed—we hardly get a chance to recover from one set of changes before the next set presents itself to us—the basic principles of raising children are the same as ever. Children need their parents’ love, guidance, attention, support, and rule-setting.
At the same time, there are specific practical tools that parents can use to help children learn to adapt well to change. That’s very much the focus of Raising Smarter Kids. It’s also the focus of an article I wrote with Rosanne Menna a few years back, called ‘Solving Problems Together: The Importance of Parent/School/Community Collaboration at a Time of Educational and Social Change’. You’ll find that article under ‘Reflections and Opportunities’ in the Resources page of this website.